Afraid to Leave

We leaned on Truth

She could barely get the words out. Her tears soaked my hair as her little face rested against mine.

Bedtime started as ordinarily as ever last night, but as I turned out the light, fear spilled out of my little girl’s heart. These were big things — sickness and death and goodbyes. Cares a five-year old shouldn’t be carrying.

Worry oozed and fear gripped my girl.

I could see myself in her. Fear has always been a stronghold in my life. Even as a child, I couldn’t last the night at a friend’s house without being so ravaged by fear, I’d have to call home.

Homesickness, they called it.

The only way I could make it a night away was to open the Word and cling to Peace.

So last night, I did with her, what I learned to do so very many years ago. We leaned on Truth.

I looked forward to bedtime yesterday.

I had been eager to get writing. The deadline of this post loomed, but I knew that no naps and lots of fresh, fall air promised an easy, early bedtime for the kids.

But bedtime wasn’t what I expected, and as I sit here now, searching for words to fan the flame of excitement about Allume, all I can think of is how scared I am.

I am so excited about Allume — about seeing friends and meeting you and growing and learning and being challenged and encouraged. But I am afraid to leave.

I’m afraid to be so far away. I’m afraid of what could happen and the million what ifs that are traipsing through my mind.

These four people are my whole world.

The idea of leaving them behind as I fly across the country petrifies me. The thought that something could happen to one of them makes me so scared, I have honestly considered selling my ticket and not attending the conference.

Friends, call me weak, but I am afraid to leave home.

I know this post won’t be for everyone. I might even seem a little crazy to some of you, but in case there are a few others who are afraid to leave behind everything that makes this world seem right, may I just remind you, as I remind myself, what my daughter and I remembered last night?

I need to hear these words again and some of you do, too.

God knows each of our days. He numbered them. He wrote the story. He planned each day before even one came to be. And our God is a good God, who loves us and chose us and cares for each of our needs.

Everything that we experience, He has already filtered through His loving, sovereign hands, and He worksall things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.

Yes, in this world, we will have trials. We will experience pain, but God has overcome this world. In Him, we have a new and living hope, a hope that will not disappoint!

Dear Sister, if you, like me, are facing fear today, may we saturate our minds and our hearts in the Word of God. He will keep in perfect peace, she whose mind is steadfast because she trusts in God!

While we are away, when we are scared, can we strengthen one another with these words?

I will need you to remind me of God’s truth and of His character, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

What an opportunity we will have to encourage one another to hold fast to our God who holds us all!

May it not be said that we never feared. May it be said of us that when we were afraid, we trusted God.

Praying that each of us, by God’s will, will come with joy and be refreshed by each others’ company. May the God of peace be with us all!

-erika

*I referenced quite a few Scripture passages in this post. These are a few I come back to again and again —  Psalm 139:16, Psalm 100:5, John 15:16, Ephesians 1:4, Philippians 4:19, Matthew 6:25-34, Psalm 103, Romans 8:28, John 16:33, 1 Peter 1:3, Romans 5:5, Isaiah 26:3, Psalm 56:3-4, Romans 15:32-33

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I first published this post over on the Allume blog. Click on over to read the post there.

Flickr Photo Credit: Angelo DeSantis