Are You Caring for Yourself in the Midst of Motherhood?

The following post is written by my friend, Jessica Wells (see bio below). Self-care is a topic I have wrestled with in my heart, and a practice I’ve struggled to implement in my life. I pray that these posts will speak to you and challenge you in good ways.

Please come back here and share your thoughts, struggles, questions, and successes! We are in this together. 

Taking Care of Mom: The Importance of Self-Care in Motherhood

Self-care is something I never thought about before marriage and kids. It was something I just did — it was a part of the way I lived and moved through life.

If I had a long day at work, it meant spending the evening curled up in my pajamas on the couch with a good book. If I was sick, I turned off my phone, drew the shades and went to sleep. I exercised, took care of my body, played my guitar, lingered over the Sunday paper with my cup of coffee, and had spontaneous nights out with my husband or girlfriends.

Until recently, however, self-care became a lost art, along with jogging, eating green vegetables, remembering to cut my toe-nails or pluck my eyebrows, and everything else that seems to fall forgotten into the hole of motherhood.

How do we find and care for ourselves when it seems that the needs of others (little people in particular) have totally consumed us?

What is self-care?

What is self-care exactly? While it can be a very clinical or therapeutic term, self-care is what it sounds like: caring for self.

Think about it.

Let the words roll around in your mind for a moment. Does it sound like a foreign concept or something you stored away for later, when the kids are grown and gone?

One of the best self-care analogies I have heard happens to do with something we hear every time we board a plane. The flight attendants ramble on about emergency exits and flotation devices. But then comes the part about the air-masks. They tell you to first put the air mask on yourself before helping your child put in on.

Why is that? Well, what good are we to our children if we have been struggling with their mask, but end up unconscious? So it goes with self-care. We need to have our mask on first before we can think about helping another person.

A few months ago I was sitting in my counselor’s office sharing with her about some recent situations that were difficult and stressful. She was quiet for a moment and then said, “So, how are you caring for yourself in the midst of this?”

I stared at her blankly for a few minutes and then a light went on, and not for the first time. I had heard her say this before — my first time in her office, after becoming a new mother almost four years ago. I was floundering in a sea of hormones, exhaustion, and unrealistic expectations. The simplest things were all of a sudden so hard.

Taking a shower seemed to be a monumental feat! I was resentful that this tiny person was so needy all the time. I was frustrated when people told me to “cherish these moments.” I remember thinking, “Oh you mean those moments when I am totally wiped out, buried under a pile of laundry or covered in the bodily fluids of a 6 week old?” And my wise therapist asked, “How are you caring for yourself in the midst of this new change in your life?”

This began a journey of re-discovering who I was in this new chapter of life (because it is a chapter), and how to keep that person alive, well, and nurtured. It has been a journey full of highs and lows, learning and growing, but so incredibly good and worth it.

Why is Self-Care as a Mom so important?

For me, self-care begins with some basic truths about God, who he is, and who I am.

I believe that God loves me, and his love is never conditioned on my productivity or on how spotless my kitchen floors are.

I cannot earn his love; it is a free gift from God to his children. I am loved so fully and completely, and there is nothing that can separate me from that. I live, breathe, and move fully surrounded and filled with that love. I believe I have deep intrinsic value that is not dependent on another person or on any accomplishments in my life past, present or future.

I must accept my humanity. I have needs, desires and passions. I am the expert on those things, because they are a part of me as they are a part of every person. When we deny our personhood, we deny the beautiful creation that we are.

God loves us and wants us in turn learn to love ourselves. Nurturing and caring for ourselves helps us to live and operate out of a healthy, strong and contented place. When we are filled up and cared for, we can love others well.

Questions for You:

As I wrap up this first post I will leave you with a few questions. Find a quiet moment to think through these questions, then come back here and share some of your responses, thoughts, or questions.

If finding a quiet or quieter moment seems impossible, do what you can — hide out in the bathroom, think in the shower, take a few minutes before bed, capture those quiet, nap-time moments, etc. {I will talk about how to find those quiet moments in next Wednesday’s post.}

1. Do I truly believe God loves and cares for me unconditionally?
2. Do I believe that I am a person of value (apart from my kids, husband, job, possessions and accomplishments)?
3. Before I became a parent, what made me feel most alive? When was the last time I felt that way?
4. Can you think of 3 ways you care for or nurture yourself daily? What are they or what would you like them to be?

Jessica Wells holds a B.A in Theology from Moody Bible Institute and a M.A in Counseling Ministries from Denver Seminary. She works part-time as a coordinator for Young Lives, a branch of Young Life, that ministers to pregnant teens and teen moms.

Jessica and her husband Mark live in Colorado Springs with their two children Benjamin and Asher.

Linking with Titus 2sdays, Living Well Wednesdays, the Better Mom, Raising Homemakers, and Serving Joyfully.