How 1 Corinthians 13:4 Changed my Marriage

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I’ll never forget the time my husband was away for work training for three weeks while I was “stuck at home” with a 3 year old, a 1 year old, and one on the way — and all of us had the stomach flu.

My husband was out enjoying the high life — steak and lobster and restaurants we can’t afford (thanks to his per diem) — while I was home eating crackers and soup and cleaning up throw up!

Or there was that time the kids were crabby, the house was messy, and this Mama was about to cry, and we discovered Daddy was coming home early! With rosy colored glasses, I imagined my husband sweeping in to wash the dishes, get the kids in bed, and take over all responsibility to give my weary heart a rest. Only, that’s not exactly what happened. {You can read more about that time, here.}

Though somewhat typical days in the life of a family, these two stories illustrate my great need – and my propensity to put my needs in front of my husband’s. Oomph.

I hate to admit I usually think of myself before I think of my husband. In fact, usually I don’t even recognize when I’m overlooking his needs — or asserting my own.

I easily see all the ways I’m serving my family and often miss the ways he is.

I recognize how much I need a pause or a break or a little time to recoup, but rarely acknowledge the same for him.

There have even been times when I’ve been jealous of my husband’s hour-long commute to work in the morning (and evening). After all, he gets an hour to himself — with quiet!

One of the most recognizable verses in the Bible is 1 Corthinthians 13:4, which says, “Love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.”

It’s one of those verses we’ve seen on the wall or have quoted at church or by which we measure others, but so many times, we forget how the verse applies to us.

I usually recognize when I don’t treat my husband with patience or kindness, but I had no idea I was envious until I started praying through this verse. God began to open up my eyes to specific times I have been jealous of my husband.

Or let’s take being boastful.

Another word for boasting is bragging. We all know someone who brags and thinks more highly of herself (or her accomplishments) than she should. We even have a word for it — conceited. We quickly recognize vanity or snobbery in others, but seldom see it in ourselves.

One of the biggest ways we see this in our marriages in when we see our needs as more important than our husbands’ needs. Worse still, we might be so focused on our own needs, we don’t even recognize his!

After a quick search on the internet, I came across these words teaching on this verse ::

First, inflated egos and feelings of superiority have no place in the Christian marriage. Your ideas, expectations, and ways of doing things are not better or more correct than those of your spouse. Your feelings and needs are not more important than your partner’s. Embracing biblical love should prompt you to prefer your mate and esteem him/her more than yourself.

Second, biblical love dictates that you treat your spouse with respect and positive regard. In so doing couples honor one another and honor God. Dismissing or disregarding the thoughts, ideas, feelings, needs, and so forth of your partner is in direct contrast to this principle. {Source}

Facing these truths is hard, but as we confess our sin to God and apologize to our husbands, freedom rushes in! We can be on our guard, alerted to these barriers to love and purposing with God’s help to love well instead of giving in to impatience, unkindness, envy, boasting, and arrogance.

Resentment grows quickly. May we be women who confess our sin and walk in the grace and freedom we have in Jesus, loving our husbands well by extending that same kindness, patience, grace, and humility!

Take time today to reflect on this one verse. {If you’re not married, apply it to how you love the people closest to you.}

To help you think through this verse and apply it to your life, I’ve created a free journal page (click here). I’ve also created a free print of the verse here.

Praying we can all love patiently, with kindness and without envy, boasting, and arrogance.

Growing in love,

erika

ONE MORE THING :: Have you signed up for our FREE 4-week RelationshipReset challenge? It’s a FUN way to demonstrate love to your husband and give your marriage the attention it deserves! Sign up for free here.