How to break the vice-grip of desire

A few months ago, I broke my daughter’s heart, and it was all because of a mini-van.

Have you ever had your eye on something you wanted?

Maybe you imagined what life would be like when you finally owned it.  Or perhaps, even now, you notice every other person who already possesses what you want. 

If you can relate at all, you understand how my daughter was feeling.

A little over a year ago, my brother and sister-in-law bought a mini-van with automatic sliding doors and an installed DVD player. Ever since then, my daughter has dreamt of a van just. like. theirs. 

She plays “house” and pretends to have the same kind of van. She talks about it when we go out. She notices if her friends have that van. She’s even saving her pennies to help our family save for one of our very own!

So, when we test drove the van of her dreams a few months ago, she was ecstatic. I have to admit, we loved it, too. When the saleswoman offered to let us take it home overnight, we couldn’t resist {but should have}.

Though we reminded our daughter that we were just “borrowing” the van to test it out, in her mind, her dreams were finally coming true. When we returned the van the next day, my daughter was devastated. She had so set her desires on this new van that returning it was almost more than she could take. Heart-broken, she collapsed in tears, sobs shaking her little body.

Did I mention that she’s four? Four years old!

It starts early doesn’t it?

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’ve struggled with the same thing.

I have.

It’s easy to focus on what we don’t have — the things we want or think we need.

The cute pair of shoes. The bigger house {with a basement!}. A vacation. The iPhone {everyone else has}.

We can justify the desire all day long — “If only we could {insert what your pining after} then {insert why that would solve your problems}.”

Do you ever feel controlled by what you want or what you need, caught in that vice-grip of desire?

It might even be a deeper need, a seemingly make-it-or-break-it need: a job {finally}. Healing {physical. emotional. relational.}. Rest. Appreciation.

I’ve been there.

I have been controlled by my desires, for things I wanted but didn’t really need. I’ve even been controlled by my desire for things my family desperately needed.

There are still moments when those old longings wrap their formidable fingers around my heart and squeeze. Sometimes the result is jealousy, other times it’s a lack of contentment, peace, or gratitude. Either way, I feel awful.

And a lot of times when I’m feeling awful, trying to fight my own selfishness or ingratitude, the enemy of our souls sneaks up and tries to tell me that I’m powerless. That there’s nothing I can do to break free.

What a lie!

Have you ever felt that way? Struggled with these same feelings?
They are lies.

If we are in Christ, if we have believed in Jesus for our salvation, we are new creations. The old is gone, the new has come (2 Corinthians 5:17)! Christ made us new, set us free, so we can live free (Galatians 5:1)! We do not have to allow selfish desire to control us! We can stand firm in the freedom Christ purchased for us.

What encouragement I have found in Peter’s words, written to Christians living in a culture which, in many respects, was like ours:

“Learn to think like Jesus. He went through everything you’re going through…and more. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you’ll be able to live out your days FREE to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want” (1 Peter 4:1-2 MSG).

How do we break the vice-grip of desire? 

How do we break the vice-grip of desire? We must learn to think like Jesus.

One way to do this is to serve. When I am so focused on me, my needs, my desires, my expectations, I am missing out on God’s best for me.

“Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 10:39).

In laying down my life, putting my desires aside and loving God by loving others, selfishness is broken.

Another way is to give thanks in all things. Practice being grateful, even in the difficulties. Focus on the good and trust God with the rest. As a believer you can always thank God that He will work all things for good for you who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)! Praise Him for that, and if you’re having a hard time finding other things for which to thank God, ask Him to open your eyes! Then, start looking! Focus on what is pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8)!

Giving thanks, focusing on things that are praiseworthy, reading and thinking over Scripture — this is how we renew our minds (Romans 12:2) and begin to think like Jesus.

As we live counter-culturally, making choices very different from people around us, we might suffer (or feel like we are  suffering!). Persevere, friends! God allows suffering to refine us and to make us!

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

 Praying for you today! We’re in this together!

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you” (Romans 1:1-2 MSG).

Question for You:

Have you ever struggled with selfish desires? What has helped you most in breaking free of its control?