How a Marriage Rejoices at Wrongdoing

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Have you ever become comfortable with wrongdoing in your marriage?

If you answered no, might I prod a little?

Have you ever excused your own bad attitude or lacked remorse for how you or your husband treated one another?

Oh wives! How many times we’ve justified our thoughts, words, or actions by reasoning they were deserved! How often we’ve convinced ourselves that our husband brought our reproach upon himself, rationalizing that “he needed to hear that truth.”

But we’ve got it all backwards.

[Love] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth (1 Corinthians 13:6).

We should never be content or comfortable with offenses that arise in our marriage relationship — whether they’re his or ours.

Where we should feel grief, shame, or remorse over our actions or attitudes, we instead develop a “thick skin” so we can roll over and fall asleep at night while still angry, bitter, or hurting.

Rather than moving forward in truth and love, we retreat and resort to toxic behaviors like eye rolling, yelling, belittling, complaining, or giving the silent-treatment. These actions seem small at first, and often feel easier than facing our conflict, but they are insidious and dangerous and identify unrighteousness growing in our relationship!

Over and over in the Bible, God tells us to forgive others, to serve one another, and even to outdo one another in showing honor.

We are encouraged to deal with our anger before the day ends and exhorted to use words that are helpful for building others up. God’s pattern is patience, and He demonstrates love that is kind and isn’t irritable or resentful.

Living any other way stands opposed to God’s Word and His ways.

If you’re a conflict avoider, you might find yourself excusing wrongdoing rather than confronting it. If you typically attack conflict, charging headfirst into issues, you might find yourself justifying wrongdoing for the sake of righteous living.

Either way, when we excuse our wrong actions, passive or aggressive behavior, or other unhealthy ways, we are, in a sense, rejoicing with wrongdoing.

I’m not suggesting being combative. Love isn’t quarrelsome. Love grieves when wrong is done and seeks to restore relationship. It serves rather than demands.

I don’t want to be more focused on winning an argument or proving I’m right than I am with pursuing peace and patient love.

I never want to be comfortable with disrespecting my husband or opposing him just to prove a point. And yet how often, in the heat of the moment, being right or seen or understood becomes far more important to me than peace, kindness, or forgivenss!

The good news is that because of Jesus’ forgiveness – because we know Him and He has saved us and set us free from the chains of sin, and because His Spirit lives in us, we do not love “better” on our own.

Love is a choice, but love is also a fruit of abiding in Christ, walking in step with the Spirit. Though loving well feels difficult, we can do hard things because we can do all things through Christ who gives us the strength!

The question to us today is – where have we become comfortable with wrongdoing in our marriage relationship? Where have we rejoiced over behavior, attitudes, or actions that stand opposed to God and His Word?

Take time today to repent of any areas where you have rejoiced over wrongdoing and ask God to help you rejoice in truth and right living!