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“… [Love] does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful” (1 Corinthians 13:5)
Sweet mercy, 1 Corinthians 13:5 is a convicting one for me!
Let’s see::
Does not insist on her own way – fail.
Not irritable — fail.
Not resentful — FAIL!
In our day-to-day interactions, I tend to think I’m doing a great job loving my husband. When I think about my attitudes and behaviors and the long list of tasks I check off every day, I feel like I should get a gold star in the love category.
That’s the trouble with self-assessment. We tend to rate ourselves against a subjective standard rather than the objective standard of God’s Word. Regrettably, I’m blind to my shortcomings, though I can easily point out my husband’s!
Reading the standard of love in God’s Word gives me a failing report card. It’s hard to admit, but it’s true. I do insist on my own way. I am irritable, and often, I am resentful, too.
Thank goodness I am not the one who sets the tone for love and the One who loves me more than I can ever imagine is also the One who can empower me to love my husband.
Did you know that you can love someone with a love that is not your own? The Holy Spirit grows that kind of love in us as we lean into Him and choose to love well even when we don’t feel like loving well.
God sets a high standard. In the Bible, He calls us to serve one another, bear one another’s burdens, and look out for the interests of others (Gal.5:15, 6:2; Php. 2:4).
1 Corinthians 13:5 wraps up those standards with the admonition that we should not insist on our own way. That’s a hard thing to do. Seeking someone els’s good often means personal sacrifice for us or denying our own wants, needs, or preferences.
I’m selfish. I see my selfishness rear its ugly head every time I want things my way — the ice cube trays, the schedule, how we communicate, the way we spend our money and our time, and even who gets up first in the morning with the kids.
Countless examples of my selfishness litter the landscape of our marriage, and many of them I don’t even recognize simply because I’m viewing life through my own preferences, experiences, and personality. They do become evident, however, when my unmet expectations show up as irritation or resentment.
The question then is – how will I respond? Will I surrender my wants, needs, and preferences for the good of my husband or for the benefit of our relationship (to the glory of God), or will I insist on my own way?
It is a battle. I’m not going to lie. This, right here, is an area where our flesh rages against God’s Spirit inside of us. Will we walk by the Spirit? Choosing obedience? Choosing love?
A lot of us slip up here either because we’re simply unwilling to give up our own way or because we resolve to try harder, never admitting the anger, bitterness, or pressure we’re feeling. We stuff the ugly down deep while pulling up our bootstraps to “do the right thing.”
We fail to recognize that though love is a choice, it is also the spiritual fruit that comes from abiding in Christ.
We don’t have to try harder, we have to surrender. We surrender to the will and way of Jesus, allowing His Spirit to do the work in us as we step forward in obedience.
Jesus really is the answer. Are we willing to surrender to Him and trust that He knows our needs and cares about each of them?
We can trust God with our desires. We can trust Him with our needs. We can even trust Him with our preferences. He is a good, good Father, and we are so loved by Him.
If you haven’t done love well, right now is an opportunity for a fresh start. You’ll probably mess up quite a few times and so will I, and we’ll give in to irritation and resentment more than we’d like to admit, but praise God His mercies are new every morning! Every day is an opportunity for a fresh start.
Let’s keep looking to Jesus, walking in step with the Spirit, and trusting God the Father!
{I made a FREE Scripture print of 1 Corinthians 13:5 for YOU, or grab a journal printable to help you pray through and apply this verse. CLICK HERE for both.}
ONE MORE THING :: Have you signed up for our FREE 4-week RelationshipReset challenge? It’s a FUN way to demonstrate love to your husband and give your marriage the attention it deserves! Sign up for free here.
Question for You ::
In what area do you find it hardest to put your husband’s needs ahead of your own?
Resources for You ::
- What I Didn’t Realize about 1 Corinthians 13:4
- At-home date night ideas to build your relationship
- 5 Struggles Men Face and what a Wife Can Do
- Praying God’s Word for the heart of my Husband
- FREE 4-week Marriage Challenge
- My favorite marriage prayer books
Resentment. That was my issue this weekend that I poured out first venting and then confessing to the Lord. Without going into uncovering details, I can say that resentment rears its ugly head when there is distance between us. I’ve been learning to live in God’s presence more and find joy in spite of the distance, but what God revealed this weekend was the little hurts that begin to pile up into a wall of hurt that subtly becomes resentment without me even being aware. Suddenly, everything my husband does is irritating and each mistake is monstrous in my mind, further distancing us. Then, of course, I resent that I’m the one who has to forgive the offenses to make things okay. More resentment. WOW! Eye opener and talk about surrender! It is the ONLY way. Give up, let God change my thinking, my heart and my actions. Asking Him for his view of the situations and compassion instead of my hurt and resentment. Thanks for this post. So timely and it points out even more areas to surrender. (loading the dishwasher?) Gee, thanks. ;-)