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While I was a little girl swinging and swimming and summer-playing on this side of the world, an eight year old boy prayed for his daddy and his mommy and his baby brother, all fighting for their lives.
I was oblivious, while my husband lost the most important woman in his world — his mom.
Malaria stole from my husband.
Malaria stole from my husband’s dad and his brothers and his aunts and uncles and grandparents and friends.
Malaria stole from my kids,
and malaria stole from me.
The more I love them, the more I wish I knew her.
Malaria took a woman I desperately wanted to know — and I wanted her to know me!
I want to sit long and talk deep and understand more. I want to laugh and learn and plan and pray. I want to be her daughter — in law and in love.
I wanted, years ago, to see her son hug his mama in a little church on his big day. Even now, I want to see his smile spread and hear his easy laugh when Mom calls. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to call her Mom.
When I look at my husband, our kids, I wonder when I’m really seeing her. Her blood runs through their veins. Is that her smile, her laugh, her creativity in them?
I can only imagine how she would love my children, her grandbabies who she’s never been able to hold.
I miss the conversations we could have had and the friendship we would have known.
Because of malaria, I grieve the loss of a woman I never knew.
Malaria is a Mama killer, stealing love and life and stability from little babes while they sleep.
Malaria is a killer, and millions have suffered from its effects.
Today is World Malaria Day.
Do something to make a difference.
I am so sorry for your loss, what a powerful, persuasive story. We have to end this killer and stealer of babies and mamas. Bless you.
Thank you for sharing. I cry with you.
Thank you for this Beautiful Tribute to Rene’, Erika! It brought tears to my eyes…shared with Bernie and he said, “I can’t even think about it — such a loss to such a loving family.” I Would love to share a friendship with her and tell her what a Blessing Stephen is – in so many ways. Stephen is the Perfect Husband for our Precious Loran. Praying for a cure. God Bless You and All Who Knew and Loved Rene’.
Rene was a beautiful person, inside and out. I’m so sorry that you didn’t have the blessing of knowing Rene as your mother-in-law, that your children will not know her as their Grandma. My heart bleeds for your husband, father-in-law and everyone of her family members, friends, and loved ones that lost such a blessing; Rene. Thanks for this beautiful tribute. She deserves to be memorialized like this and you did a wonderful job.
So poignantly written. I weep for the loss that your family endures every day. May God use your words to spur people to take action. God’s blessings to you and your family.
oh, erika, what a post. so beautiful. and this malaria personified – powerful.
Erika, I knew Renee since she was a little girl. She was in my Sunday school class. She truly was a special person, kind and loving, sweet and gentle, yet strong enough to throw herself into a world of unknowns and danger (one of them being malaria). When I see these pictures I am overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude that she came into my life and I had the privilege of watching her grow up in all ways. YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED HER – as did everyone who knew her. I’m so sorry you lost that opportunity – ’til you meet in heaven.
How often we wonder the same things and still weep at her remembrance. She would have loved you, Erika, and she would have been so proud of the home you have made. Her brief life was full and even though she wore many hats, she was first a wife and helper and then she was a mom. She embraced those roles with a fierce passion and dedication and yet managed to keep it simple. Thank you for your tender heart- felt words. Thank you for remembering Renee and sharing your loss. I, too, am so sorry that you missed her in this life. I love you.
She may be gone but she left a wonderful legacy. You and your husband lost much but God gained a saint.
My heart aches with you today, thank you for sharing something so personal
Erika,
Beautiful tribute. Wonderfully done. Thanks for sharing your tender story. i”m sure many will be able to relate to it. I’m sorry for your loss. She would have loved your sensitivity.
Very well written. Malaria has certainly ravaged this and other families and for some reason it was heavy on my mind and in my prayers last night. I was praying for all the Dawson family and Shaylors’ and thanking the Lord for His care and mercy, allowing us to daily give him our grief and burdens. Thank you again for your sweet reflections.
Thank you so very much Erika. Beautiful. It has made us sit and ponder. Your words have taken us out of our boxes and pushed us out into reality. Thanking God for your life, your gift of words that you have shared with us this day.
Grace to you!
Erika,
Thank you for writing an amazing tribute to a wonderful woman. Renee was my leader at Emmanuel and I truly miss her. Just know that her sons are blessed to have had Renee as their mother even tho it was for a short time. Renee is missed by many!!
Erika, Thank you for remembering Reneé. What beautiful words. You brought me to tears this morning. As Debbie wrote 21 years ago, “She lives in our hearts as a penetrating reminded, that not only is Christ worth living for, HE is worth dying for.” Her memory is with us always. It comes alive in the faces of her children and grand children, sometimes with such force that it almost takes my breath away, but such great memories! Wow
What a poignant article you wrote, Erika. It brought tears to my eyes. You would have loved Renee. I don’t know anyone who didn’t. My late husband was also an MK from Venezuela whose family was always close with the Dawson family. Your husband’s Uncle Joe was in our wedding and our oldest was named after him.
I was privileged to get to know the Dawson family while my husband and I were missionaries in Venezuela for 18 years. You’ve married into a great family. Malaria may have taken Renee from you even before you met her, but heaven had a great gain that day. True, you will never get to know her on this earth, but imagine that moment when you finally get to meet her in glory!
Ericka: What a great tribute to our special friend Renee. You said things so succintly. Ericka, I believe Joshua chose you to be his wedded wife not only because he was attracted to you, but because God chose you (what a beautiful person); and also because there are many similarities you have that remind him of his mother. I pray that this isn’t too presumptous of me to say, but there is a saying that men will marry women like their mother. I’ve not been aware of your blog, but I’m happy to be able to share. Ruth and Ollie Whitlow (special friend and high school leader of Renee).
P.S. Even though it has been many years since Renee’s passing, when the anniversary of her passing comes , I still mourn her passing. What a day of rejoicing it will be when you can meet her face-to-face. She is all that your friends of said and MORE! In fact, we could call her the Proverbs 31 Woman.
I just came across your post Erika and felt compelled to share my story that crosses paths with yours. Twenty-one years ago, I was the MAF pilot that flew Mike and the 3 boys, Gary and Marie and Renee’s mom back out to Cosh after Renee passed away. It was far and away the most difficult flight that I ever flew. I knew it would be a difficult reunion with the rest of the family and community and I had to steel my emotions to keep to the task of flying the airplane. There was of course a huge crowd awaiting the airplane and as soon as we landed and shut down, Mike was engulfed by family and the community and was practically carried away as they shared in his grief. I couldn’t help thinking to myself as I readied the plane for the return flight that Mike and Renee and the extended Dawson family were truly loved by the people in the Cosh community.
After a quick turn around on the ground, I took off and headed back to pick up another plane load of people who were coming in for the funeral later in the day. Pilots are supposed to be professional and keep their emotions in check, but as I climbed out over the clouds and mountains I kept losing sight of the instrument panel through my tears. As I struggled with my emotions, I said “Lord, I know you are in control of all things, but this is one of those times it would be so easy to ask, ‘Why?’” The instant I completed that thought, I skimmed over a cloud and there was a perfect shadow of the airplane on the cloud at the center of a circle rainbow; the airman’s cross. The cross. The cross of Jesus Christ. It couldn’t have been a clearer answer from God had he hit me upside the head with a 2×4. The cross is why Mike and Renee and the 3 boys were in the Amazon jungle and the answer to my “Why?” was at the foot of the cross.
Later that day at the funeral, I heard one of the leaders of the church tell Renee’s mom through an interpreter, “Thank-you. Thank-you for sharing your daughter with us so that we can know about the cross of Jesus Christ.” That doesn’t make the pain go away, but it does give us comfort that in our pain, we can rest in the arms of Christ. It was a difficult time to go through, but as you can tell, it impacted me deeply with the life lesson that many of life’s difficult questions are answered at the cross.
Thank you for sharing your post and for the memories that it brought back.
I lost my mother-in-law 17 years ago. She knew my oldest son but only briefly knew our middle one and never got to meet the youngest son. I too wonder these things about her and since I came to know Jesus, I have pondered what our relationship would have been like now, with years and the Lord changing me. I delivered her eulogy and wish she could have met these three treasures who love Jesus. So sorry for your loss, you sound like a sweet woman!
Growing up in Cicero Illinois, Renee, Debbie and I were BFFs. When I heard the news of Renee’s passing, it was a stab to my heart. She truly was a special person and a good friend. The hope remains that I will see her again some day and get her to laugh. She always tried to hold back a laugh and be serious but she could do it. I loved her and miss her.